Are Men Really Dogs?

You have to know the saying that men are dogs and we all know that dogs like to leave their mark. They go around peeing on everything which says to all the other dogs in the neighborhood "hey this is mine!" The other dogs might sniff around it but they certainly don't pee on someone else's spot. ok ok I'm sure you want me to get to the point. Are men really dogs? Welll I truly don't think they are but there is this one thing that they do have in common and that's leaving their mark!!! Hickeys... What's with guys and giving girls hickeys.  I should know. I unfortunately had a few too many. I once went on a date with a hickey from a different guy (not my best moment, I understand). You tell them please don't I have to be a member of society tomorrow so having a giant hickey on my neck is the last thing I want. Men take that as a challenge and you end up pinned down with them sucking on your neck and not in a good way either. And then you have it. You have to understand this, for those who don't know me, I'm pale like almost no pigment whatsoever pale. So just think for a second how noticeable a dark purple mark would look on my white skin. It's almost as noticeable as black on white. Not to mention the public humiliation that comes with it. There's is nothing worse than standing in line at a store and you see a little, old, feeble lady checking out your neck. You know what she's thinking "kid's these days" and you feel like a trollop. That's a personal low. Anyway back to the guy and how he feels on the day after the "incident". Men walk around knowing that they have marked you. That there is a hickey on their girl's neck that says that she is his and everyone else better stay away. It's the same theory as a wedding or engagement ring without the long term commitment. They have peed on you. YUCK! Well ladies what is it that we should do? Is there a way to retaliate? Unless you are strong enough to pin them down and let's be honest if you are, you might want to rethink that relationship for other reasons, then there is not much we can do. Buy them an ugly sweater and make them where it? Ugh that just hurts you too... Anyway, while men might not be dogs they certainly have some characteristics. I guess ladies the goals would be to train them well so that they can earn lots and lots of treats. ;)

Stay Classy!

Apparently I Attract the Weirdos!

So the other night my roommate and I went out for a few drinks early. You know just getting in some personal girl time, if we happen on some guys then so be it. I was open to it. We get to the bar and we are sitting there in enjoying our cheep beer when I look across the bar and exchange glances with a young fellow. He looked nice and presentable. He wasn't there alone, so he didn't scream of alcoholism like a handful of other guys in the bar. Anyway I am minding my own business hanging out with some great people and I keep making eye contact with this guy. Like hello if you are going keep looking at me, get off your ass walk around the bar and say hello. What does he do? He sits....so along comes these two older guys. Now I'm not talking older like 30, I would say more like 40s and they sit down next to this lazy ass. Oh and did I mention this was a college bar. Not a place where you would find an older gentlemen. I look back over and all four of these guys are looking at me and there is some pointing involved. It was clear that they were talking about me. I mind my own business and go back to my friend and our conversation. All of sudden out of nowhere there is one of the older men standing right in front of me. He opens with this line "I think I have seen you before. Are you a singer?" I respond quickly saying "Nope I used to sing in high school but I doubt you saw me then." Not listening to my answer he insisted that I was in a band that he saw. Then he starts to sing to me. This man standing in a somewhat empty college bar (meaning there were only like fifty people there) is screaming at the top of his lungs Ahhhmmmaaazing Graaccce and he continued the song. Oh and by the way got the lyrics wrong.  One of the most well know songs in America and he didn't know the lyrics. Anyway I am clearly embarrassed and it takes a lot of me to get embarrassed very easily He leaves after he understands that I'm not having any of this. The staring guy starts to apologize across the bar. Congratulations staring guy you can open your mouth. The four of them again begin to discuss what just happened and all of a sudden again guess who's back.  I need to reiterate how unattractive this man is. He begins to sing shortly in my ear and I push him away. Trying to act like that wasn't a clear hint that I'm not interested, he asks me if he has a better chance with me than the staring guy across the bar. I tell him flat out without holding back "He definitely has a better chance" This man is clearly taken back. He then asks why. I simply state "He is my age" but it really was that he was hotter. This awkward encounter finally ends, leaving me and my friend dying laughing. Moral of the story kids is that letting weird people approach you will always be funny in some way and if a guy does not get off his ass to come over to say hi then he is not worth an eye flutter at all.

Stay Classy!

Having Hand Sex and Crying is NOT a Good Date!

So thanks to some very persuasive people I decided to go on a second date with Panera Bread guy. All I have to say is that I should have listened to myself; hands down the WORST date of my life! We went to go see The King's Speech which I mean if I have to be on a horrible date at least I'll was able to see a great movie! I recommend it to all! So anyway back to the date from hell. So we are sitting in the theater and he has his arm on the armrest with his hand open toward the ceiling. For those of you who don't know this move, this is an offering of the hand for some cute hand holding time, therefore if a girl does NOT take your hand fellas I don't think that she wants to hold it. Unfortunately, I think that this guy missed this episode of Seventh Heaven and didn't get the hint.  I wish I was kidding about this next part but sadly it's true. He reaches over to my side and grabs my hand which was not in an inviting position. If intertwined hands folded on a lap does not say PLEASE DON'T TOUCH ME I honestly don't know what does. So what did I do in retaliation! I gave him a limp noodle. He wasn't going to get anything out of my hand that he so rudely grabbed from its nice warm position. But this guy was so determined he began to have hand sex with me. Yes hand sex... this is a made up term defined as the caressing of a hand by another in order to show affection and attraction. So basically if we were talking sex, my limp noodle hand is like having sex with someone who is asleep. Gross I know! You just don't do it! It is just plain wrong! So after about five minutes of feeling extremely violated, I took back my hand and hid it the rest of the movie. The film ends and I go to get up to leave but he is still sitting there, so I look over and ask if he is alright. He looks up at me and a tear rolls down his cheek. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!! He was crying! Another word of advice to the fellas don't cry on your first couple of dates, no matter what girls say they really don't like an emotional man. Anyway... I'm standing there looking down at this man that at this point I am so unattracted that I simply say "oh my god. Are you crying right now?" Granted not my best moment and I probably could have been more sensitive, but I was over and done with this guy and could care less what he thought of me. In fact it would probably be beneficial if he stopped liking me.  The moral of the story kids if never let some one take advantage of your hand and if a man cries around you right off the bat run like Forest Gump! Run!

Stay Classy.

Leave Something to the Imagination, Please!

I know that this is not an advice blog or anything but I feel the need to help the sorry single fellas out there in the online dating world. First things first, yes be yourself that should go without saying, but that being said there are definitely a few things that you can leave out of your profile and your approach to women online. Now ladies you might not agree with me on the follow things, but if you don't then I suggest you go into online dating cause that's where you can find your fellow freaks and live happily ever after.  But for those guys out there looking for a nice, young, pretty woman please leave these things out. There is always something that you think is witty and shows your funny personality but just makes you seem well a little dumb, delete that. Which reminds me, while I know I shouldn't be talking, grammar and spelling does matter a little bit. There is nothing worse than a guy who spells the word you "u"; it makes me think you didn't graduate from high school. Sorry guys!  But now to get to the most important part, the pictures.  If you are not a father do not, I repeat DO NOT, put photos of you with young children on your profile unless you label them. Take it from me I will not message you back if I think that there is any chance that you have a kid. Now this is not because I'm shallow or anything it is simply because the first egg that you should be fertilizing should be well maybe a little later in life, and I don't need to be dealing with baby mama drama at the age of 22.  But by far the worst thing that a man can do on these sites is put up a shirtless picture of themselves. Now I'm not talking a tasteful fun on the beach picture, I'm talking about the creepy guy in his bathroom taking a photo with his phone. You know the type of picture that you think they would send to a semi loose woman to urge them to come over, well that is what I'm talking about. So put up a picture of yourself in a suit or something that makes you look like your future is actually promising.  Take it from me fellas,  put the pudge away, take down the shower curtains, unflex your unimpressive muscles and leave something to the imagination.

Stay Classy!

Now I Know Panera Has Cheap Coffee!

As you all know I started my profile on Okcupid.com, and it surely has been very entertaining. I was lucky enough to be propositioned for some hot and wild sex. Don't worry Mom I didn't reply to that one. :) That one was a shocker! hehe So I go on a date with one of the many guys that I have messaged me and let me tell you how uneventful this date was...I got there and he had already ordered coffee and he told me that he doesn't even like coffee. So we go up together to get me a cup and I go to order and like every self respecting girl a do the reach. You know when you reach into your purse for your wallet and the guy is supposed to say oh no no no I got it. So I reach and pause for a second then nothing. I had to pay for my $1.80 coffee. Are you kidding me $1.80!!! The homeless guy on the corner could pay that out of his shaking cup.  Ladies take it from me if he can't hold a sold conversation about anything but himself and can't pay for a cup of coffee then I don't think he is worth our time. Like Greg Behrendt, author of He's Just Not That Into You, says "Don't waste the pretty" and ladies I couldn't agree more. 

Stay Classy.

Black outs are never a good thing!

So you think you had a great night. Hung out with friends, met a guy, talked all night, gave him your number, and then the next day happens. Is he going to call? Well knowing my luck he doesn't of course. Thinking that I have balls and all this killer confidence, I TEXT HIM! That would be my first mistake apart from making out with him the night before. So come to find out after a great deal of confusing and utterly embarrassing text messages that he had blacked out. HE TOTALLY FORGOT! I was shocked needless say. Not only did he black out but turns out all night long when we were laughing about things... he was LYING! I really know how to pick the winners. So I decided then and there to let this one go, but apparently he really wanted to hook up with me, so for the next two nights I was the recipient of some drunken text messages. Ladies take my advice if you think it's too good to be true it probably is. You have to kiss a lot of frogs until you get to your prince.

Stay Classy!

Singles Awareness Day!

So valentine's day has come and gone, thank god. There is nothing worse then random people wishing you a happy valentine's day, do you not agree. There are all the happy people around dressed in pinks and reds with huge smiles on their faces. And to be honest I am truly happy for these people but at the same time kind of wishing they would trip. Not fall or anything just something thing little that would provide me with a little bit of satisfaction. But anyway here's what my wonderful valentine's day consisted of:

Me getting up at 6 AM!!! in order to finish some work that was due later in the day. Drinking butt loads of coffee and forgetting to eat. oops.  Then eating WAY TOO MUCH, because everyone around told me "it's valentine's day you are suppose to eat a lot." Yeah well tell that to my waist line this morning!! and trust me it wasn't pretty. Anyway, I spent some time with amazing friends and the whole time we all talked about how we are going to join Okcupid.com (a free dating website, that looks promising). I mean what's a better way to spend valentine's day with a bunch of singles discovering new ways to make sure your future dating life looks a little more promising.  I thought to myself, well that would provide some great material for my blog, and what's better than meeting a whole bunch of strange guys online to provide some laughs for my audience. :) Just you wait I'm making my profile today! Thank you singles awareness day for allowing me to take one step closer to finding my next failed relationship! hehe. 

Stay Classy!

Why I'm going to blog!

So today I find myself sitting at work with some colleagues and we were discussing my love life as we often do on our free time. We came to the realization that as a 22 year old I have started a whole lot of relationship that went absolutely nowhere. It is quite funny actually. So get excited cause you are about to hear about all my adventures in the dating world and let me tell you there have been some crazy times.

Hope you enjoy the stories!