Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Having Hand Sex and Crying is NOT a Good Date!

So thanks to some very persuasive people I decided to go on a second date with Panera Bread guy. All I have to say is that I should have listened to myself; hands down the WORST date of my life! We went to go see The King's Speech which I mean if I have to be on a horrible date at least I'll was able to see a great movie! I recommend it to all! So anyway back to the date from hell. So we are sitting in the theater and he has his arm on the armrest with his hand open toward the ceiling. For those of you who don't know this move, this is an offering of the hand for some cute hand holding time, therefore if a girl does NOT take your hand fellas I don't think that she wants to hold it. Unfortunately, I think that this guy missed this episode of Seventh Heaven and didn't get the hint.  I wish I was kidding about this next part but sadly it's true. He reaches over to my side and grabs my hand which was not in an inviting position. If intertwined hands folded on a lap does not say PLEASE DON'T TOUCH ME I honestly don't know what does. So what did I do in retaliation! I gave him a limp noodle. He wasn't going to get anything out of my hand that he so rudely grabbed from its nice warm position. But this guy was so determined he began to have hand sex with me. Yes hand sex... this is a made up term defined as the caressing of a hand by another in order to show affection and attraction. So basically if we were talking sex, my limp noodle hand is like having sex with someone who is asleep. Gross I know! You just don't do it! It is just plain wrong! So after about five minutes of feeling extremely violated, I took back my hand and hid it the rest of the movie. The film ends and I go to get up to leave but he is still sitting there, so I look over and ask if he is alright. He looks up at me and a tear rolls down his cheek. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!! He was crying! Another word of advice to the fellas don't cry on your first couple of dates, no matter what girls say they really don't like an emotional man. Anyway... I'm standing there looking down at this man that at this point I am so unattracted that I simply say "oh my god. Are you crying right now?" Granted not my best moment and I probably could have been more sensitive, but I was over and done with this guy and could care less what he thought of me. In fact it would probably be beneficial if he stopped liking me.  The moral of the story kids if never let some one take advantage of your hand and if a man cries around you right off the bat run like Forest Gump! Run!

Stay Classy.

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