Having Hand Sex and Crying is NOT a Good Date!

So thanks to some very persuasive people I decided to go on a second date with Panera Bread guy. All I have to say is that I should have listened to myself; hands down the WORST date of my life! We went to go see The King's Speech which I mean if I have to be on a horrible date at least I'll was able to see a great movie! I recommend it to all! So anyway back to the date from hell. So we are sitting in the theater and he has his arm on the armrest with his hand open toward the ceiling. For those of you who don't know this move, this is an offering of the hand for some cute hand holding time, therefore if a girl does NOT take your hand fellas I don't think that she wants to hold it. Unfortunately, I think that this guy missed this episode of Seventh Heaven and didn't get the hint.  I wish I was kidding about this next part but sadly it's true. He reaches over to my side and grabs my hand which was not in an inviting position. If intertwined hands folded on a lap does not say PLEASE DON'T TOUCH ME I honestly don't know what does. So what did I do in retaliation! I gave him a limp noodle. He wasn't going to get anything out of my hand that he so rudely grabbed from its nice warm position. But this guy was so determined he began to have hand sex with me. Yes hand sex... this is a made up term defined as the caressing of a hand by another in order to show affection and attraction. So basically if we were talking sex, my limp noodle hand is like having sex with someone who is asleep. Gross I know! You just don't do it! It is just plain wrong! So after about five minutes of feeling extremely violated, I took back my hand and hid it the rest of the movie. The film ends and I go to get up to leave but he is still sitting there, so I look over and ask if he is alright. He looks up at me and a tear rolls down his cheek. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!! He was crying! Another word of advice to the fellas don't cry on your first couple of dates, no matter what girls say they really don't like an emotional man. Anyway... I'm standing there looking down at this man that at this point I am so unattracted that I simply say "oh my god. Are you crying right now?" Granted not my best moment and I probably could have been more sensitive, but I was over and done with this guy and could care less what he thought of me. In fact it would probably be beneficial if he stopped liking me.  The moral of the story kids if never let some one take advantage of your hand and if a man cries around you right off the bat run like Forest Gump! Run!

Stay Classy.

Leave Something to the Imagination, Please!

I know that this is not an advice blog or anything but I feel the need to help the sorry single fellas out there in the online dating world. First things first, yes be yourself that should go without saying, but that being said there are definitely a few things that you can leave out of your profile and your approach to women online. Now ladies you might not agree with me on the follow things, but if you don't then I suggest you go into online dating cause that's where you can find your fellow freaks and live happily ever after.  But for those guys out there looking for a nice, young, pretty woman please leave these things out. There is always something that you think is witty and shows your funny personality but just makes you seem well a little dumb, delete that. Which reminds me, while I know I shouldn't be talking, grammar and spelling does matter a little bit. There is nothing worse than a guy who spells the word you "u"; it makes me think you didn't graduate from high school. Sorry guys!  But now to get to the most important part, the pictures.  If you are not a father do not, I repeat DO NOT, put photos of you with young children on your profile unless you label them. Take it from me I will not message you back if I think that there is any chance that you have a kid. Now this is not because I'm shallow or anything it is simply because the first egg that you should be fertilizing should be well maybe a little later in life, and I don't need to be dealing with baby mama drama at the age of 22.  But by far the worst thing that a man can do on these sites is put up a shirtless picture of themselves. Now I'm not talking a tasteful fun on the beach picture, I'm talking about the creepy guy in his bathroom taking a photo with his phone. You know the type of picture that you think they would send to a semi loose woman to urge them to come over, well that is what I'm talking about. So put up a picture of yourself in a suit or something that makes you look like your future is actually promising.  Take it from me fellas,  put the pudge away, take down the shower curtains, unflex your unimpressive muscles and leave something to the imagination.

Stay Classy!